Archive for the 'Social Networking' Category

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Attention Business Owners – Stop Wasting Time With Facebook

Don’t just listen to what I have been saying for years, BRW Magazine’s recent headline speaks for itself…

Online Sales Lead Generation

Click on the image to find out what your best Internet Marketing Options are.

Privacy Pirates

Privacy Pirates: How The War For Your Personal Identity Will Escalate In 2013 And What You Need To Do Now To Protect Yourself

At my Internet workshops, I give  participants a sneak peek into what the war between Google, Facebook, Apple and Amazon mean to you and your business.

It’s one of the key principles I’ve been advocating to my elite VIP and Platinum Program Members for the past 3 to 5 years.

The Internet is undergoing an incredible transformation that has alarmed privacy and personal liberty advocates around the world.

Without delving into conspiracy theories and cynical skepticism, I discuss what you should do to protect yourself, your company and your family.

I share what the experts are saying because this is no longer ‘science fiction’. It’s real and it’s here now. Contact us if you’d like a copy of our Privacy Pirates Report.

Internet Wars, Facebook Fallacy, Google Apple War, Google Facebook War

Social Media Marketing

Social Networks, Social Media Marketing

Facebook pages for small business removed after unspecified complaint

Facebook Business Pages, Facebook Ransom, Facebook TacticsAs a reader and/or subscriber to this Internet Marketing Blog, you know I am not a fan of social media. Even though this is not a “I told you so” blog post, it is a forewarning.

I cover issues like this with my clients – at events and workshops like the Exponential Internet Marketing Bootcamp where I have the time and tools to explain, in detail, why I have such distinct views and approaches that produce such extra-ordinary results.

Recently, Facebook has been getting quite a bit of press because as small businesses have embraced the use of social media marketing to increase their sales, it turns out what worked before doesn’t always agree with Facebook.

This can lead to complaints to Facebook. By whom or about what is not always clear.

The result can be that your Facebook business page is removed by Facebook with no explanation or discussion.

Sometimes you may have simply overstepped the boundaries of what is acceptable promotion on Facebook. But many are starting to wonder if the reasons aren’t more commercial (financial) in nature. If you’ve seen the latest episode of the TV Drama The Good Wife, you’ll get as sense of what’s at stake and how they are doing this behind-the-scenes.

However what is clear is that Facebook sees an opportunity to charge business for something that was once free.

If you were a client of ours, you would have avoided this issue altogether. Sometimes AVOIDING a costly mistake is as valuable as doing something “right”.

Contact us if you want to improve your online lead generation without the hype, smoke and mirrors that social media and web designers want you to believe.

After all, they NEED you to believe in what they sell – they need to make money FROM you – not FOR you. Give that some thought!

NEWS FLASH: Twitter cuts off service to LinkedIn

Twitter, Linked In, Social Media, Social Platforms, Tweets, TweetingTwitter, the micro-blogging site, has cut off tweets on the professional social network LinkedIn, ending a two-year partnership.

Twitter is a website that lets users broadcast 140-character status updates, or tweets, in real time. The micro-blogging service has had a partnership with LinkedIn since 2009.

“If you had previously synced your LinkedIn and Twitter accounts, and selected the option to share Tweets on LinkedIn, those Tweets generated from Twitter will no longer appear on LinkedIn. There will be no other changes to your LinkedIn experience,” Ryan Roslansky, LinkedIn head of content, said in a recent blog post.

Want to know what to do about it? We cover all of this and more in our Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation Webinar and Internet Marketing Bootcamp.

Social Media Losing Shoppers

As you must know by now, I am not a fan of Social Media Marketing. I think it’s a monumental waste of time, money and effort. I haven’t held back on this view and it’s simply because it doesn’t make any financial sense for small business to waste countless hours and in some case thousands of dollars on strategies that don’t work.

The research is just starting to come in that fewer shoppers are flocking to social media websites in search of deals and coupons, according to a study released Thursday by the National Retail Federation in the United States.

The number of consumers who reported following retailers on the likes of Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest fell to 51 percent from 58 percent  last year, according to the 2012 Social and Mobile Commerce Study.

I am not saying social media is dead, all I’m saying is that more and more businesses are realising that the inevitable point of diminishing returns is here.

As a small business, you have limited resources and cash. You want to make the most of it. Social media marketing is not where you should be spending it – that’s all I’m saying.

Want to know where you should invest your hard earned money to get your biggest bang for your buck?

Come invest 3 days with me at the Exponential Internet Marketing Bootcamp and you’ll learn how small businesses – just like yours are dominating their market places, growing when others are contracting and laying off staff.

Social Media – it’s all getting too hard

Are you struggling with the time, effort and cost associated with Social Media Marketing? You’re not alone – have a look at this article – Burberry has deep pockets for their social media marketing and you have to ask yourself – can it really be worth it?

If you’re a small business, I can tell you without a doubt – you can’t justify the time or cost.

That doesn’t mean you ignore social media, it just means you LEVERAGE it – exponentially.

How? Great question! Click here ->  to learn how to generate more leads via social media.

ALERT: Video Surveillance Goes Mainstream

Privacy, Video Surveillance, Online Privacy, Privacy PiratesA recent Economist Magazine article on video surveillance struck a chord with me – face recognition is becoming mainstream and as such there are virtually no limits to the violations to privacy that will soon be possible by unscrupulous companies and criminals.

As you know, the Privacy Pirates are out there stealing your personal data, but this is one step beyond that – this is potentially LIVE and ADAPTIVE in both the physical and virtual world.

You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to get worried. I’m far from being paranoid, but there are tell tale signs that the abuses are increasing at an alarming rate.

Since I am NOT into propagating conspiracy theories, I have put together a report that summarises several issues that you should be aware of.

If you’d like a copy, you’ll need to contact us to get it. It’s not a free giveaway download. The 24 page report took 37 hours of research assembling 67 articles with 126 reference links for you to get quick access to what you need to protect yourself. Contact us – prevention is the only cure for this disease!

Feeling like a hostage to your web design / IT supplier?

Web Design Services, Get Rid Of Your Web DesignerMany small business people treat one of their most precious assets as an afterthought, rather than as one of their most precious assets. It’s not inconceivable for a website to be worth $100,000+ when there is a legitimate brick and mortar business “behind it”.

Put differently, years ago, when you bought a Yellow Pages ad, you’d SPEND thousands of dollars with NO appreciation in the capital asset value of the phone book. With the Internet, every dollar spent on your website should increase its capital value. Think about it this way – if you were assess two identical businesses, one with a website and the other without one, which one would YOU buy?  Enough said.

Most small businesses don’t proactively deal with their website and/or web online presence for a long list of reasons including:

  • “I don’t get all this Interweb stuff”
  • “I don’t like Facebook and don’t understand why people waste so much time ‘talking’ to complete strangers”
  • “My son-in-law, nephew or neighbour seems to understand it and is not charging me much to handle my website…”
  • “Technology is changing too quickly, I can’t keep up.”
  • “I don’t get any web inquiries so it’s not worth worrying about.”
  • “My staff’s taking care of it, in fact, we all kinda pitch in to get stuff done.”*

Whatever your excuses, as a small business person, in this day and age you simply cannot hand over your online presence to just anyone anymore than you would give them the pin code to your bank card. I am totally serious.

Continue reading ‘Feeling like a hostage to your web design / IT supplier?’

Facebook Profile Photos

I am not a fan of Facebook. This is one of the many reasons… People manipulating their online identities to be who they’re not, to have frriends they would NEVER think of inviting to their homes… I wanted to share this with you because it was funny if it wasn’t so true.
Facebook, Social Networking, Social Notworking

I know too many people who post a profile picture that is 5 to 10 years old…

What do they think the impression is when someone meets them in person and they LOOK that much older?!?!?

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression”

If the first impression is deceitful, how do you move on from there?!?!

Blogging For Small Business Interview

I was interviewed by Ludwina Dautovic for Red Tent Radio yesterday and I have to admit it was one of the most fun interviews I’ve done in a long time. We got started and before we knew it, the 40 minutes were up! We talked about blogging for small business owners. The interview will be released as a podcast in a few weeks, but before it comes out, I thought I’d take this opportunity to remind you that we’re staging a 4-hour Masterclass called “How to convert your online browsers to buyers” in Sydney and Melbourne on April 11th and 18th respectively.

NEWS UPDATE:

CLICK THE HYPERLINK to download the Blogging For Small Business
Interview With Ludwina Dautovic on Red Tent Radio!

If you missed our exceptionally popular workshop “Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation“, you’re in luck – it’s now available as a 4-hour webinar you can stream to your computer. A webinar is great because you can stop, pause and rewind to make sure you don’t miss any important details.

Ludwina and I discussed WHY small business people need to blog,
what NOT to do and HOW to get started quickly and easily

As you’d expect, I have a very different take on most marketing strategies – one of them is I am not a fan of Social Media… I don’t adhere to the common propaganda that’s proliferating “out there” that you need to be on Facebook and Twitter. If you want to hear an honest viewpoint that will benefit your bottom line and save you from wasting countless hours, make sure you keep an eye out for the interview – I will blog about it when it comes out and you’ll be able to download it for free.

But, by that time, you’ll realise you should have attended my 4-hour Masterclass called “How to convert your online browsers to buyers” in Sydney and Melbourne on April 11th and 18th respectively.

So you know what to do – take the time now to have a look at the event page and keep in mind it comes with a 100% no-questions-asked money back guarantee. If at the end of the 4 hours, you haven’t received at least 2 or 3 times the cost of admission, we’ll refund you and remove you from our mailing list. That’s how confident we are of the immense value we’ll be revealing.

Here’s one of the concepts Ludwina and I touched on during the interview – it’s called the Miser Mentality. With a Miser Mentality, the focus is on the cost of something rather than the value or potential. A prime example is someone who drives 15 to 20 minutes to save a few cents on petrol. They have no appreciation for their TIME VALUE. A Miser can only see the COST (petrol saving) – not the BENEFIT (paying a little more, but saving time).

The strategies I will reveal at the next DIY Internet Marketing Masterclass can increase your website traffic anywhere from 15% to as much as 200%, depending on what you’ve done and how well you’ve done it. But here’s the thing – anyone who has a product or service that is worth at least $300 would get a benefit of $3,000 to $5,000 from the strategies I will reveal as a MINIMUM STARTING POINT.

So if the question was:

Would you pay $300 to get $3,000 in sales
in the next 12 months?

The answer should be YES! but the problem is that with a Miser Mentality there is a filter, a bias, a distortion that comes into play – that PREVENTS the POSSIBILITY from being even considered.

It might be thought, in a fleeting moment, but not seriously assessed or considered at its full (potential) value. Therein lies one of the key differences between the abundantly wealthy people who seek and focus on potential opportunities whereas misers miss those opportunities NOT because they aren’t there, but because they can’t see them.

Miser, Lack, Scotoma, Fear Of Loss, In the psychological literature it’s called a Scotoma. The best example is looking for the salt when the salt shaker is right there in front of you…

I will address some of these inhibitors to success at the upcoming Exponential Extravaganza in May and June, but before that event takes place, the Internet DIY 4 hour Masterclass takes place.

Can you see the dilemma EVERYONE FACES – you know you want the benefits, results and rewards… But you have to consider and BELIEVE it’s possible. Quite the tug of war isn’t it?

I know. I struggled with it more than 30 years ago. I don’t remember what the trigger or catalyst was, but at some point I decided that the Miser Mentality can’t work – so I gave Boundless Opportunity Thinking a try. Once adopted, I transformed it into my own Exponential Mindset Thinking and the rest as they say is history…

So what “history” will you create for yourself in 2012, 2013, 2014 and beyond…?

Prevention is such a hard sell…

It’s hard to get an important PREVENTION message across… The anti-smoking lobby struggles with it. One of our gym owner/client finds it hard to help people prevent the onset of type II Diabetes and I want to protect small business owners from being fleeced by unscrupulous Internet Marketing spuikers, web design companies and now “Social Media Consultants”…

It’s hard to get the message across
without being heavy-handed or sensationalistic

Brendan Rigby of Inspire Fitness and Wellbeing in Melbourne tells me that someone who’s overweight, drinks too much alcohol, smokes and doesn’t exercise is a prime target for Type II Diabetes, but even if all the red flags are there, everyone but the ‘patient’ sees them.

I feel it’s the same thing with the Internet. I see or hear about small business owners  getting fleeced, taken advantage of and otherwise ‘robbed’ by Internet Marketing Spruikers who pitch miracle solutions from stage with manipulative tactics at the get-rich-quick opportunists that many would argue “get what they deserve”.

But isn’t that the same for the smokers or obese, soon-to-be diabetics?

The challenge we all have is how do we get the message across without being fear mongerers and using heavy-handed tactics like the video below?

I can remember meeting a smoker amputee who lost BOTH her legs (above the knee) due to smoking. She was still smoking with the impeding threat of double-arm amputation, which is when she claimed she would “try to quit”. I was in my early twenties at the time, she was in her 40′s. I doubt she made it to her 50th birthday. I am still shocked almost 30 years later recalling that conversation.

There are some people that can’t and don’t want to be helped or saved

But there are those who, given a fair chance,
want to be forewarned – especially if the alternative is better

Leveraging the Internet does not have to be scary, intimidating or costly. In fact, the world has changed to make technology and access ubiquitous via increasingly easier and cheaper tools.

But the bottom line is – there is no point in discussing any of them – UNLESS YOU’RE OPEN to the possibilities.

If you are open to consider alternatives to expensive web designers and social media consultants, we’re staging an eye-opening workshop in Sydney and Melbourne in April.

It comes with a 100% Money-Back Guarantee that simply states that if after the 4-hour DIY Masterclass you didn’t get enough ideas, tips and tools to make or save you at least a multiple of the workshop fee, we’ll refund you the full registration fee – NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Why? Because we don’t offer Internet web design and Social Media Consulting services – we and our clients don’t like them any more than you do.

AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, you can grow your business leveraging the Internet doing it yourself AT A FRACTION OF THE COST OF THE SO-CALLED EXPERTS… AND GET BETTER RESULTS !!!

Come find out how at our next workshop called “How To Convert Online Browsers Into Buyers“.

Internetaholic?

If you think you’re an Internetaholic, addicted to Social Media, Tweeting and Facebooking your every move – Have a look at this video I am sure you’ll tweet and forward it on!

Why do farm tractors have large rear wheels?

Have you ever wondered why old farm tractors have super big rear wheels and tiny little ones at the front?

The same can be said about “what’s the point of having a business blog?”

You might not be a farmer and might not care why the rear wheels of an old tractor need to be that big, but in business, you can’t afford not to know why blogging has become so important for lead generation.

That’s why we’re staging a 1/day workshop called Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation on the Gold Coast, Sydney and Melbourne.

But then again you could go back to the paddock and give plowing a go…

Internet Lead Generation, Business Blogging, Web Leads

Are You An Internetaholic?

Internet Marketing, Online Lead Sales Generation

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.

Yes, you–we’re talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict.

Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?

We’re a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counselling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.

We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never “cured,” you most certainly can recover.

We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:

  1. Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
  2. Check e-mail more than five times a day?
  3. Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
  4. Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
  5. Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you’ll receive a reply one day from a company you’ll never do business with anyway?
  6. Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
  7. Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
  8. Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you’d usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
  9. Do you have thousands of friends on Facebook you never want to meet in a million years?
  10. All of the above?

If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:

1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE’SSAKE

We’re here, we’re free, and we’re confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.

Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line.

Facebook Wall Of Shame Infographic

During my recent Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation event tour in Adelaide, the Gold Coast, Melbourne and Sydney, participants heard a preview of my rant on Privacy Pirates which I’ve been proselytising about for quite some time. Karen Bonanno, a 2011 Exponential Entrepreneur Of The Year Award Winner, sent me the infographic below that I just had to share with you.

I will expand on this in an upcoming Do It Yourself Google Sales Lead Generation For Small Business series of workshops… But in the meantime have a good read of this infographic. You’ll start to get a sense of where I’m coming from and how I am guiding my clients to avoid being victims of the Privacy Pirates.

Facebook Privacy, Personal Privacy Theft, Identity Theft

Online consumers big on research, not social media

Internet Marketing, Business Coach, Sydney Business CoachIt’s no surprise that selling online has become harder. More and more consumers are researching before they even consider a purchase decision.

Results of the “Social Shopping Study”, conducted by PowerReviews in association with the e-tailing group, indicate that consumers who shop online are on a mission to get thorough information about products and find the best prices before they buy.

About half of the survey respondents spent 75 percent of their overall online shopping time researching products, compared to about one in five just a year ago. That’s a considerable increase.

When it comes to purchases such as computers and televisions, 71 percent of respondents say they spend a few days or more doing online research. Some respondents claim to spend “a few weeks” (18 percent) on research. Almost half of these online shoppers (44 percent) start with a search engine and look for top search results for the products that interest them. That’s a lot of time and effort to save a few dollars…

Amazon gets high scores from consumers as a place for product information, reviews, and price comparisons.

  • Fifty-eight percent of survey respondents say they use reviews and ratings at Amazon as part of their research “all the time” or “very often.”
  • In comparison, just 29 percent say they use Google Shopping to read product reviews, but that’s a good showing for Google’s relatively new service.
  • Sixty-three percent think the reviews and recommendations found at Amazon are “extremely or very credible.”
  • Of those who use their mobile phones for shopping, 36 percent look for competitive pricing on Amazon while they are in a physical store.

One of the more interesting findings is what consumers say about social media.

Facebook and Twitter are not highly regarded when it comes to shopping research.

  • In fact, half (49 percent) of respondents says they “never” use social media to research products they want to purchase online.
  • Only 13 percent say a company Facebook page has a significant impact on their buying behavior, while 59 percent of respondents say it is customer reviews of products that influence them, and 42 percent indicate it is customers asking and answering products about questions that influence them.

The survey respondents were pretty evenly split between male and female, with the predominant age group being 35 – 44 (31 percent), followed by 45 – 54 (26 percent) and 25 – 34 (24 percent). Forty-two percent of the respondents said they shopped online several times a month in the past year.

So what does this mean for your online sales channel approach?

  1. Online shoppers have discovered how to do research prior to purchase, they take it seriously and invest a lot of time and effort into it. If you don’t have sufficient information available for your products and services, you’re probably going to miss out on a lot of sales.
  2. Online retail shoppers seem to rely on Amazon for product reviews and to check prices. Which is important to know if you’re selling a product that is or could be sold on Amazon…
  3. I have been saying this all along… Facebook and Twitter are not a factor in (most) online purchasing decisions. It doesn’t mean it won’t change in the future, just that it’s not your lowest hanging fruit if you’re focused on sales. Sales is a four-step process. Knowing when to engage social media is beyond a free blog post. It’s what I share and teach my clients – sorry!

Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation

I have an event coming up called Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation that will reveal how quick, easy and fun strategies can help you improve your Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) and acquire new leads for free by blogging.

Here is an example using an Infographic. Karen Bonanno posted an interesting infographic (shown below) on what happens on the Internet in 60 seconds on her School Management Library Blog.

Along with these amazing stats:

  • Search engine Google serves more that 694,445 queries
  • 6,600+ pictures are uploaded on Flickr
  • 600 videos are uploaded on YouTube videos, amounting to 25+ hours of content
  • 695,000 status updates, 79,364 wall posts and 510,040 comments are published on Social Networking site Facebook
  • 70 New domains are registered
  • 168,000,000+ emails are sent
  • 320 new accounts and 98,000 tweets are generated on Social Networking site Twitter
  • iPhone applications are downloaded more than13,000 times
  • 20,000 new posts are published on Micro-blogging platform tumbler
  • Popular web browser FireFox is downloaded more than 1700 times
  • Popular blogging platform WordPress is downloaded more than 50 times
  • WordPress Plugins aredownloaded more than 125 times
  • 100 accounts are created on professional networking site LinkedIn
  • 40 new Questions are asked on YahooAnswers.com
  • 100+ questions are asked on Answers.com
  • 1 new article is published on Associated Content, the world’s largest source of community-created content
  • 1 new definition is added on UrbanDictionary.com
  • 1,200 new ads are created on Craigslist
  • 370,000+ minutes of voice calls done by Skype users
  • 13,000+ hours of music streaming is done by personalized Internet radio provider Pandora
  • 1,600+ reads are made on Scribd, the largest social reading publishing company

This blog post alone has 6 embedded strategies to help Karen and me attract new sales leads.

If you want to know what they are and how other business owners are leveraging their blogs to generate free sales leads, you’ll have to attend the Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation event!

Business Blogging In 2011

Even though small businesses in Australia lag in Internet adoption with most small businesses either not having a website established or not having a fully integrated, functional website, in contrast, Australian consumers are quite techno-savvy.

According to recent research, 37% of Australians use smart phones and is predicted to be 50% by the end of 2011. 92% say they use smart phones while consuming other media; 46% while watching TV, 43% while listening to music, 36% while online. A whopping 26% say they have purchased something on their smart phone. Average number of apps is 25, with 8 being purchased. Nearly 50% browse the web every day on their phones.

Nielsen research shows Australians are #1 in usage of social networks

Neilsen reports that Australians spend 7 hours 17 minutes per person each month on social networks and blogs. Australian social media usage was highest for the second year running, out of Nielsen’s Internet-metered markets including: Brazil, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Spain, Switzerland, U.K., and U.S. This means Australians used social media 25 minutes more per month than the previous year. That’s quite a bit more.

Most small business owners still don’t fully appreciate the value of social networking for business purposes.

A lot of it is due to ignorance (not knowing) and confusion. For example, there’s a common misconception that links last a lot longer on Facebook than Twitter, because the newsfeed moves slower than the stream, but recent research confirmed this is not the case.

The half life of a link (i.e. the time it takes to receive half its total clicks from when it’s first shared) is on average 2.8 hours on Twitter and 3.2 hours on Facebook – not a massive difference, although on YouTube links last considerably longer.

What’s more interesting is that a link pointing to a topical news story – like an earthquake – is likely to have a lot shorter half-life than a link pointing to something oblique (like lolcats).

The graph below illustrates this phenomenon, but once again ignorance (not knowing) can be damaging. The concept of the half life of a link is important if you’re in the news business, but if you’re a business looking to stay in business for years to come, what is important and relevant to you is the value of the individual links established, not the half life.

Link Building, Value of Links, Link Half Life,

Half Life Of Internet Links In Social Media Networks

This is a vitally important concept we will cover at our Business Blogging For Sales Lead Generation event, it’s an exclusive by-invitation-only event that you need to contact us if you want to attend.

Why is a blog important for business?

Blogs are used to establish contact and communication with a business. A website by design is static, whereas a blog and Facebook are interactive, engaging the prospect. More importantly, he/she can read and assess the type of communications others have had with you/the business.

Blog Statistics, Blogging Statistics, Blog Usage Stats, Blog Stats

In this day and age, it’s not a nice-to-have sales and marketing tool, a blog is a must-have sales, marketing and customer support and brand building tool.

Let’s face it, if you’re not blogging, you’re just not serious about sales lead generation.

Texting codes for seniors

As we know, seniors are adopting the “Interweb” like never before, so if you’re sending texts to them as part of a multi media campaign, you should use the most recent codes, sent to me courtesy of Andrew Powell of Montreal, Canada.

ATD – at the doctors.

BFF – best friend fell.

BTW – bring the wheelchair.

BYOT – bring your own teeth.

FWIW – forgot where I was.

GGPBL – gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

GHA – got heartburn again.

IMHO – is my hearing aid on?

LMDO - laughing my dentures out.

OMMR – on my massage recliner.

OMSG – oh my! sorry, gas.

ROFLACGU – rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.

TTYL – talk to you loud.