Funny work quotes

“A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.” – Unknown

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.” – Cannon’s Law

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” – Bertrand Russel

“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” – Al Capp

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” – Gustave Flaubert

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” – J. Paul Getty

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.” – Anonymous

“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut” – Albert Einstein

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.” – Anonymous

“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.” – Anonymous

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

“The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” – Ronald Reagan

“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

“I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.” – Charles Schultz

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen” – Sarah Brown

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

“Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk.” -J.C. Penney

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” – Don Marquis

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons

“Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf.” – Gene Perret

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R.C. Sherriff

“Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” – Jim Murray

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements

“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” – Denise Miller

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali

“When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.” – Henry J. Kaiser

“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” – Pablo Picasso

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” – John Gotti