Archive for the 'Career Humour' Category

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Inverview Tip: How To Prevent The Bad Hire

Let’s face it – no one enjoys interviews. They’re awkward, stressful and time consuming. In many (but not all) hiring cases, they’re a necessity.

This cartoon is a funny example to illustrate how you can create a memorable interview that reveals if the person you want to hire is right for the job. It’s both a metaphor as well as a practical example. In this instance it’s appropriate if you’re hiring for a position that requires the person to be able to read instructions, have manual dexterity and patience!

Interview Question, How To Interview, Interview Tip

When I was in the printing industry, I had 3 or 4 specific tasks I would give a candidate at the first interview. All the tasks were designed to weed out the inexperienced or unskilled who “oversold” their abilities by revealing their deficiencies.

For example, I would ask them to open a ream of paper – if they proceeded to peel open the wrapping paper, I would stop them and end the interview.

I would ask them to stack a pile of a few hundred A4 sheets that had been collated, but were not neatly stacked. (There is a specific strategy to do this.)

These are revelatory and instantly assessable – they are pass/fail with no grey area for misinterpretation.

Every industry, profession, trade or process has tell-tale habits and techniques that you can use to quickly assess a person’s skills, abilities and aptitudes.

Ideally, you create 3 or 4 to ensure that the analysis is multi-dimensional. In my case, I had 4 tasks and a candidate had to pass 3 out of 4 to continue to the second, short list interview.

I worked for an IT company that had a technical proficiency test that you had to get 17 out of 20 to proceed to a second interview. PhDs would often struggle, obtain a score of 15 or 16 and would be rejected – to their utter bewilderment.

A process is a process and if it works to acquire the skills, aptitudes and capabilities you’re looking for – stick with it!

Of course there are thousands of personality and behavioural tests that can complement this approach, but that’s a discussion for another blog post!

How Much Do You Hate Your Job? Quick Test

What is your favourite excuse you use for not showing up at work the next day?

A.   I only call out when I’m really sick
B.    I have a flat tire
C.    I have food poisoning
D.   The dog ate my car keys

How often do you hit your snooze button in the morning before work?

A. Once – All my clocks are set half an hour ahead to trick myself
B.    Less than 5 – I’m not a morning person
C.    More than 5 – My boss usually has to call me

How often do you stare at the clock while at work?

A.   I can hardly keep track of time – I am extremely busy and lose track easily
B.    There are days when I watch the second hand tick away the day mesmerised I’m in this dead-end job.
C.    Everyday, time moves slower than the day before

How many snacks do you keep in your desk drawer?

A.   None – I’m a health nut
B.    Several – snacking keeps me busy
C.    More than 5 – I’m snacking right now!

Where does your job rate on the boring scale?

A.   1-3 – Not boring at all
B.    4-6 – Mostly boring
C.    7-10 – Coma inducing

How often do you use the Internet for personal use?

A.   Rarely – I keep my professional life separate from my personal life
B.    Every now and then I correspond with family and friends
C.    Have you not heard of Facebook?

How many times have you watched The Office?

A.   Never – it sounds boring
B.    Several times – I can totally relate
C.    I know all of the lines by heart and may even know someone who can create great computer sabotage viruses

Do you sneak in naps at work?

A.   I’m not the napping type
B.    Occasionally – I feel it’s important to lead a balanced life
C.    I keep a sleeping bag under my desk

How do you spend your lunch hour?

A.   Catching up from work leftover from yesterday
B.    I get away from work and find a secluded place to get some peace and food at the same time
C.    Sleeping – snacking makes me sleepy

How many breaks do you take during the day?

A.   Very rarely
B.    As and when needed
C.    I’ve run out of fingers to count on

What does Friday mean to you?

A.   Time to get things completed before the weekend
B.    I made it this far, one more day to endure
C.    Rest up for the weekend – P-A-R-T-Y!

What time do you leave the office?

A.   I stay as long as I have to prepare for the next day
B.    Packed and ready to fly out the door 5 minutes before it’s time to leave
C.    I didn’t know we had to come back after lunch

Give yourself the following points:

A = 3 points
B = 2 points
C= 0 points
D= -1 point

If you scored 30 – You’re totally exponential and frankly, you might be a freak!

If you scored 20-29, you’re like most employees, content to be told what to do, obeying orders by relinquishing your true passions and purpose in life.

If you scored 10-19, you’re on your way out the door, you need a change, you’ve had your fill and if anyone pushes your buttons, you’ll surely explode!

If you scored less than 9, you have completely switched off and the fact that you haven’t been fired means you’ve pulled the wool over his/her eyes and he/she deserves to pay you for doing nothing. Enjoy it while it lasts, because when you get found out, you’ll be out the door in no time!

Be careful when asking for staff feedback

Most management consultants promote asking for staff or employee feedback. You might want to re-think that advice after reading the responses obtained at an airline repair division. Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had a fatal accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Powerpoint Presentation

Business Coaching Sydney, Business Coach Sydney, Business Coaching Melbourne, Business Coach MelbourneToday’s submission is from Jocelyn Donovan of Donovan Associates, Sydney’s premier Civil and Structural Engineers and Surveyors. It’s a special and unique Powerpoint presentation that I can’t reveal to you.  You have to download it to fully understand why it’s such a powerful presentation.

Click on the hyperlink to access the Powerpoint Presentation – then leave a comment below to let us know what you think!

Searching For A Job?

I just created a new page on this blog called Interesting Job Search Facts and Statistics. Go have a look – you’ll want to bookmark it since I am constantly updating it. Of course if you’d like to contribute, please go ahead by placing a comment on this blog!

Slide Rule Thinking In The Internet Age

I’ve been presenting a special 3-hour workshop called Slide Rule Thinking In The Internet Age for Australian Engineers. It’s a collaborative effort with Engineering Education Australia, a wholly owned division of Engineers Australia, the governing body for the engineering profession. The best part of it is exposing my Exponential Mindset to such a smart, educated and analytical audience of specialists and experts who really know their stuff – you’ll see a few blog posts in the next few weeks that reflect the fun we’ve been having.

One of the concepts of an Exponential Mindset is having fun doing out-of-the-ordinary things… Like sharing good jokes that make use laugh at ourselves so we don’t take ourselves too seriously.

Stan Lawrence, a Mechanical Engineer at Verve Energy sent me the video below that Gavin Altus, Executive Manager Development at Engineering Education Australia also shared with me…

I can’t share with you all the bonuses and gifts included in the Slide Rule Thinking event, but this one was just too good to resist!

Enjoy it as you laugh at us – we don’t mind, after all we’re proud to be engineers!

What It Feels Like To Be Diagnosed With ‘The Knack’

Psst! If you want the special 3-hour workshop called Slide Rule Thinking In The Internet Age, just click on the hyperlink – we’d love to have you!

Together Everyone Achieves More?

I am not sure this team really understands the concept of TEAMwork… Not exactly what you’d call a high performance team…

T.E.A.M. = Together Everyone Achieves More?

T.E.A.M. = Together Everyone Achieves More?

It’s time to change jobs

When you no longer care to do the job right, it’s time to change jobs as these two real examples prove.

TIme To Change Your Job

TIme To Change Your Job

Time To Get A New Job

Time To Get A New Job

Together Everyone Achieves More

We all know the saying that Together Everyone Achieves More. But something tells me this group of employees somehow missed the point.

This hilarious video was submitted by Andrew Powell of Montreal Canada.

Metaphors: Examples To Avoid

In the Professional Protégé Program within the Professional Mastery Curriculum, we cover the use of metaphors extensively – especially at the cornerstone event Unleash The Speaker Within. Today’s post is a humorous twist that I thought you would enjoy. It’s a submission from www.OnlyFunnyStories.com, one of the hundreds of sites owned by our Virtual Real Estate Moguls, graduates of the Flipping Websites For Profit Program.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Continue reading ‘Metaphors: Examples To Avoid’